Love. Sex. Adventure. Optimism. Passion. Learning. Growing.
That’s what this is all about.
I’m currently 32 years old, and it really sneaked up on me. I spent a lot of my formative years escaping. Life was hard growing up, and I escaped into worlds of fantasy. I devoured comic books, and cartoons, and TV and Film and I wished I could live a life of adventure. I wished that I could l could be anything else. It’s not that I was unhappy, it was more that I was bored and sheltered and felt trapped. So very trapped. So I escaped into worlds of art. I drew pictures and started writing my own stories. But as I fell deeper into my own worlds and those that others had created, I realized that I was growing more and more introverted. It’s my natural state, but i wanted to be social. So I broke out of my comfort zone, and as many other guys have done I’m sure, I chased a girl into the world of performance. It really opened my world up. I mad so many friends. I loved that I was pushing myself to stay open and in the moment. It allowed me to create worlds around me and share them with the reality that I oft avoided.
As high school finished I again found myself lost to my introvertedness. I worked at a comic book store for a while amongst other jobs as I kept lying to myself that I was going to be a professional actor. It wasn’t a good idea for me, because I was growing more and more unmotivated with time – but unfortunately I had begun to identify myself as a performer. I couldn’t let that go, because then I’d have no identity at all. I was miserable and working to support my mom and myself, and even when I moved out and struggled to support myself let alone her as well, I was an actor that wasn’t acting. What made things worse for me was when I did start to get work as an actor – because I was just as unhappy, and I couldn’t understand why.
So I gave up. I cleaned myself up and got a desk job. I tried to settle down, but was extra miserable.
Then I found my first video contest online. It was on craigslist – for a show pilot called Who Wants To be A TV Producer? It lit me up. I knew I could do this. Create a video all by myself. Teach myself how it works. All I had to do was try.
And I did. And against all odds, I won. What I made was silly and weird and terrible, but it was mine. What I would make next would be even better, and I knew it. If you want to see it, here’s a link – but just know that it’s awful. No lights or sound and the goofiest editing ever – but I still love it. It means a lot to me. It was my start.
Now I make videos. Each one gets a little better, and I feel myself grow a little better with each one.
My name is Douglas MacKrell. This is Internet After Dark.
As always – if you like the music, please visit the links where you can download their music for free and comment on their work!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time ‘Subterranean Kamikaze’